which one are you using?

Miss you.

<3

I am truely glad to read that you are doing fine after that scary incident.

May be this is an indication that you will find many wonderful and caring person in your life as you grow up.

i love you.
i miss you.
BAH!

:(

please be joking....
dont. please please dont.
ill lose hope for everything.
dont do it.... :(

Ah well, I've been having massive && major writers block lately, and its getting quite annoying x1000. I guess I can't really complain about things anymore. I seem to find myself so hopeless in this mess I've made of which direction to take. I've lost part of me some where down the path that I'm even starting to forget of when I stopped keeping track.

Oh. My. Gosh. I so know what you mean at the moment.
That's exactly why my entries have been accumulating to just a tad above nil.
And the ones I have been writing are absolutely sh*t, with a capital S.

Sorry for not commenting. I feel like a bitch.
But I'm happy for you and Patrick. =D

Have fun, kiddo. Xx.

I feel ya. Loneyliness kills.

I don't really know what to say.

Take care.

- Chris

www.myspace.com/chrxn

wait... is the title from a cursive song? i can't remember now... i've got an entry with the same title lol

Aw babe. I know that feeling. Missing people you thought you hated? Isn't it weird.

Don't slip away; if you hold on, then I'll hold on. Deal?

Patrick is what's keeping you afloat, eh? That's good. Atleast you have him, if nothing else in the world is going good atleast he's still there, holding you up. :]

Me? Well nothing too much.
I've been sick. Dancing. Atm I'm here alone because half my family left and I had to stay here for a dance performance. :/

And the person that was supposed to drive me tonight bailed on me, so now I have no idea if I'm going anywhere at all anymore. :/

As with boys, life? Idk. I'm sick of boys. So terribly sick of them. All the ones who discarded me, or even the ones that I discarded, are coming back on at full force and proclaiming that they like/love/want me again. And the only person I feel that way about doesn't want me anymore. Will never want me again.
I wish I could get over him, you know? I feel so pathetic. I need a rebound. Or something.
As for now, I'm just...existing. Not liking that existance too much, but here I am. Floating.

I'm planning on going down to NH for 2 weeks. Where he is. Not that I'll see him, and that's not why I'm going. I'm going to get away. Because it's easier to not think about him when he's closer for some reason.
Idk.

Sorry for the rambling. :]
Ily darling! <33

OK SARAH IM WORRIED ABOUT YOU....CAN YOU PLZ JUST EAT!!!!

UR LYK 1 OF MY BEST MATES ND I WOULD DIE IF NETHN HAPPENED TO YOU....PLZ EAT....4 ME???

hey sarah

well im glad yuu don't smoke ae lol
well im gunna make a new entry...

so read it k...?!

xx

I'm so sorry you're going through a really bad time.

Despite your mood and the bad things that happened, I can tell you have a great tallent for writing. Keep writing. You're very good at it.

Take care of yourself.

- Chris

[MsChrispy]

lol sounds like your living the life babbeee<33

Very, very, very....... BAD thing. (response to your question)

I added you to my favs, BTW.

- Chris

[MsChrispy]

cherrytap to me is a breeding ground for a bunch of horny old guys..yea i didn't like it very much

Isn't that why we're all mad?

Xx.

thanks for the comment.

aww. cute entry.

&& how could we not love Smashing Pumpkins anyway?

I liked this a lot- simple and sweet

ttyl

awsome entry

(you have a soul)

-lol-

you know i love you

sorry this has taken so long to reply, i had to remember which entry you had commented on because i'm a bum.
How are things with patrick? have you seen erick again? :/ it's officially over with nicco & i. we talked about it. and he said that he was trying to forget about me, which is why he stopped writing and calling. he said he thought it would just be easier if he forgot about me.
and all those tears i couldn't cry before? they drowned me yesterday.
and now I just have absolutely nothing to keep me from just not eating at all. which is what i've begun to do again.
and i don't care anymore.  i just don't sarah.
i'm scared to care about anything anymore.
i'm scared to feel, because if this is how it ends i'd rather not feel.

anyway, don't you DARE think that you should end it all. you have so much to offer the world, and maybe you and patrick will do it together, but maybe you will do it alone. no matter what, you'll turn out fine. with, or without him.

i love you, and hope you are doing better then me.

p.s. this entry is...everything.

ok, i dont know you, but i love the way you wrote this. it's inspired me to write another poem. you're writing is like mine, and i was just wondering. when you write, do you look past all the objects and see the things inside?  idk if that makes any sense to you, but if it does, could you answer it please? thanks!

-- Katie

Hello lovey, hows it going?
have you asked him how he feels yet?

I've been okay.
I feel like i've been put into rehab though.
I got kicked out, and sent to my grandparents where i can only smoke at work, i cannot drink, i cannot see my friends. Its such a change from living with my friends every day, and drinking til 4 in the morning, smoking whenever i felt like it. And doing who ever i felt likedoing.
I know all of that is bad, but i miss it sometimes.
And other times i know it was best to get out of that situation because i was spinning out of control. But then again, i went from one extreme to another, i dont eat anymore so which place is helping me?

Idk. God i rambled.
I just find it so easy to talk to you lovey.
Thanks for always being here, have you by chance gotten a facebook?
If so let me know, im quite addicted to it.
Im never really on myspace anymore. =/
Anyway let me know how your doing.
And this entry rocks. I mean you've changed, for the better.
Everything has more colour, more life to it.
I love it!

Much love<3333

Well my sarcasm always gets tagged as me being a btch, so whatever.
What are you gonna do?
:/

I'm glad you're letting things flow. I think maybe I screwed it up by pretending we were something that we weren't.
Because he was making it seem like we were, and I guess I should've known better than to think that anybody could actually care about me like that.
But he was the first boy who I actually felt something for, who I thought wasn't lying when he said those things.
But I guess it takes mistakes to learn how to change.
I guess things happen for a reason, so that you can learn and move on.
It's just, sometimes I wish they didn't...
:/

Anyway, how are you darling?
Any plans for the weekend?
I love you and hope you are fabulous :]

In all honesty, I would respond to your comment, but I really forget what you said in it, even though I just read it two minutes ago.
I'm just in a terrible spot sarah; I can't even beging to explain how I'm feeling right now. Shakey. Nauseous. Sick to death of myself. Terrifed of everything, life included.

Anyway...how are things going with Patrick? I'm in the exact same spot with Nicco at the moment, but I don't like to admit it. I think your boy is just a little bit better then mine. But shh, we'll keep that a secret ;]

Smashing Pumpkins=Love.
I'm in love with them aswell.
Have you heard Daydream? That's my Smashing Pumpkins song on repeat right now.
I shall go listen to Galapagos, if you listen to Dusk And Summer by Dashboard Confessional.
And also Daydream. :]

Anyway beautiful, I love you and hope you are doing well.

<33

Aw, well listen missy, you better be having fun in Florida! :]
Aw, I LOVE THOSE!
Like, the one time I held hands in a movie theater, I leaned foward and he grabbed my hand when it wandered near him.
I think they like to grab it really quickly so we can't let go ;)

Aw, patrick seems adorable.
I know...I've deffinitly been preparing myself for heart break.

I've been...oh sarah...I'm not going to lie, I haven't been to great. I mean, I have been on the outside, I've been going to parties and doing all the normal summer stuff, listening to new music, gaining friends, blahblahblah;;
but on the inside, well...I've been dying a little.
He's been so...distant lately. So I've been trying to let go, even though I'm realizing just how much I'm in love with him.
I need to forget about him, I know I do. I'm only setting myself up to be torn in two. :/
But I can't help it.
He's too amazing, and I think that's his appeal. His perfect as I have never been able to be.
And so I want some of that to rub off on me. :|

And then you know...summer. So parties. So boys. But boys all wrong for me.
Boys with girl friends who flirt with me incessantly and tell me they don't want me to leave.
Boys who won't touch me, but tell me that I'm beautiful and special.
Boys who are just another him.
It's like I'm searching for all his little pieces in these guys, and finding only fragments.

I don't know...
he doesn't know about ana.
I don't ever want him too. But even though he doesn't know, she's tearing us apart.
Because I'm realizing that if he lets me go, I'll still have ana. I'll always have her to fall back on, because she's the one thing that will never leave me.
:////

At the moment, I'm listening to "If you don't don't"-Jimmy Eat World.
It fits my situation.
you should listen. :/

How's everything going on your end darling?
ilyy.<3

p.s. someone just called at exactly the time the clock was changing from 11:11.
It came up as 11:11, and stayed there. I'm staring at it.
Coincidence?

Aw, i hope your having a good time in florida, meet anyone?

Im doing okay, just trying to find what i really want right now. And trying to get back into wanting to lose weight. Its not that i dont, but my mind is telling me im fine, but my body is screaming at me.

Well i hope you are doing well lovey.
huggles and have a ton of fun!

[PerpetuallySearching]

awwwwwwww.
I'VE MISSED YOUU.
And that's the truth. =]]]]]
Best write back betchh.
or I'll cry.<3

You held his hand?
Whole story. Spill. NOW.
Mhm. :]
ilyyy. x <3

I love that song[hey there helilah]

Things have been alright.

And no I don't have aim anymore but you can add my icq from your aim my number is

  275276068

x33

Thats good.

I have been good too.

So whats new?

x33

Hey Sarah.

I haven't talked to you in so long.

How have you been?

x33

YOU SMOKE?

man sarah you have changed

ur not the same person anymore

YOU SMOKE?

man sarah u have changed

ur not the same person anymore

Oh yay for essay like comments! :]
Hehe.
"The main cause
was because I wanted my mother to love me, and now its like
I feel like I have someone..."
I know what you mean! and yes it does make sense. I think the reason that I started was because I didn't feel 'loved'. I felt alone and whatever whatever. He does make me want to stop. But then again, like we said, he sets me off with the smallest thing.
Like he told me "I need to talk to you about something really important. bad important." and so when I told him he better explain soon, and had been freaking out and worried about it all day he wrote back saying "I'm actually not going to tell you, sorry...because it would make it awkward." bam! woke up this morning, had no appetite at all.
ugh.

"don't lose your ana roots because then you'll be nothing when
you lose him."

AH. darling;; how much I understand what you mean!
It's like I'm terrified of him getting too close and me pushing away ana, because if he leaves I'll have nothing.
and I think that is what's...holding me back.
idk :|

how is summer kicking off for you other then those things?
ilyyyy.<333

need advice please comment my new entry......

         love always,Steph<3<3////<3<3

so Im confused.
was that first part
just a dream?
I used to have
really creepy dreams
all the time.
=
really awesome poem.
I love the first two lines.
&& this part
"I find myself more lost in you as each new scar makes it’s mark"
Im sorry I cant help more.

Well, I'm going to a group home in Massachusettes. Um.. I guess it's because I violated probation by not getting my grades up? I'm really not sure =[

Okay.. good idea, but this is my boyfriend... and who would donate their pubes lol.

~V@!

You are a really good writer, but sometimes I have to squint to read the words. And I sometimes get the feeling that I am watching a badmitten match as I watch your thought birdies swing from one side of the page to the other. But perhaps your writting is synonimous with your life. a chaotic sence of direction as you struggle to keep things between the lines and retain focus....Sorry....I am not a psycologist, but I do watch the show"Criminal Minds" a lot.

wow. i bet you get sick of people saying that.
erm. i cant talk about ana. really i cant. that
would make me a hypocrite. . . .

&& its a nice poem.

&& rainforest cafe. . . is the sh!t.

I love the song.
I love the poem
I love the used
I hate that i love everything

Yay thank you!!
Me too :]
I think I might too!!!!
I'm pretty excited.
How are you?
How is boy/ana situation?
:[

I love you, don't forget it. :]
<33

it has been a while, hasn't it?

I've been kinda depressy and didn't feel like talking about it. basically i'm moving in with my boyfriend and my mom doesn't want me to, then my bf dropped out of college and my mom started disliking him for that, then she found out my bf and i had sex and she began to hate him for that and we might not be able to  move til the end of this year... so its all just kinda ...depressing me. i gave up on a couple of my classes cuz i just couldn't bring myself to do the work. oh, and to add to all that i had a couple major fights with my best friend and she ignored me for about a week and a half.

so yeah, its been a bit of a crappy year.

Awww..

Wow.

This is totally sad -- Yet creative.

I always love your entries.

Thanks for the comment on my entry.

I want to give him a chance.

I mean I have known him for 3 years, and I know what he's capable of in everything.

But I don't know what to do..

Oh well.Keep writing!
Your entries are amazing.

Take Care.

ILY.

<3333333333333333333333333

Sara.

this sounds a lot like something i would say.
&& youre not a screw up, btw.  I really
dont know what else to say. Im sorry.

i thjink uve commented my old one musicnight

lol XD

but i added ya!

k chickas aint workin. can u make a PRIVATE diary and email me the username and password?

luv ya

thanks 4 the advice but like, what if i want to go out wit him bc i want to see how things work out....but what about the part that hes my bffs EX????

<3 michelle

Aww! Gorgeous! I'm so happy for you!

He’s the type of guy that would give me his jacket
just cause he knows when he gets it back, it’ll smell like me
&& I’m the type of girl that would want his jacket
just because it smells like him...

Beautiful and so true! Xx.

Yay! Oh lovey, im so happy for you!
EEEEE! hehe.


&& Im so glad you are doing better.
&& I know exactly what you mean about how he's your help, i have one of those boys, but tell him everything lovey, its gets better.

<333

it's GOOD.

extremely GOOD.

i'm soo happy for u guys.

<33

Aww. That's gorgeous. Sad, definitely, but infintely beautiful. Your talents as a writer are seemingly endless.

Keep writing... Xx.

Oh darling you should know by now that there is never just a quick fix in this life. No tape to fix a hole stays in one place, it always gets loose.